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15 Things that 2013 Taught Me
1. life WILL kick you in the teeth whether you deserve it or not - but that doesn't mean you give up.
2. never say you'll "never" do something. . . 'cause you don't know the circumstances you're going to face.
3. good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good ones.
4. there's never any reason to abandon your friends.
5. sometimes, your friends turn out to be your enemies.
6. admitting you were wrong is not a weakness.
7. never forget who you are.
8. never doubt what you know.
9. loving and losing is better than walking away because you're scared.
10. crying is okay.
11. don't let your worries eat away at you.
12. bottling up your problems only leads to more problems.
13. be open-minded about changes. sometimes, they're actually a good thing.
14. don't turn away from someone who needs you.
and most importantly to me:
15. the word "family" doesn't just mean biologically.
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 1
just a small-town girl,
who'd never been looked at twice.
i was the kind of girl
that nobody noticed.
i slid under the radar,
because that was all i knew.
i was always just 'one of the boys',
none of 'em ever noticed me.
it never bothered me, i guess,
because it was all i knew.
that is, until i was the odd one out.
everybody had somebody,
except for me.
until you.
just a simple coworker,
somebody that i would have never noticed.
but you said hi,
and i had to work with you.
it wasn't long before you got under my skin,
learned who i was, what made me tick.
you showed me what it was like
to care about another individual.
you, of all people,
showed me what it was like to love.
just a guy in a broken relationship,
one who'd never been treated properly,
but you never cared about any of that.
you pushed it aside,
forgot about how she hurt you,
and worried about fixing me.
broken, little ol' me,
who'd never had nobody care about her.
just a bruised boy,
showed me how to love.
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
love is a battlefield.
standing in the middle of a battlefield,
caught in a war she can never win,
she stands still as stone.
knowing she'll fall eventually,
but not yet willing to give up on him.
not yet to give up on the love she gave him,
and the love she so desperately wants.
maybe she's wrong for her ideas,
maybe she's wrong to stand up.
everyone she loves is against her,
pushing and pulling on her arms,
trying to get her to see the "light".
but he's there, too,
on the other side, quiet as can be.
willing to let her make her own choice,
despite the tears in his eyes.
nobody except for her knows the heartache,
or knows the man behind the mask.
they haven't seen the way his eyes light up,
the way his features soften when he laughs.
they haven't heard the 'i love you's,
or the 'good morning beautiful's,
and they haven't seen the two of them.
not really, not behind closed doors.
nobody has seen the two of them for who they really are.
despite her youth,
the girl knows love is a battlefield.
in it someone ge
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
Azazel: Demon of the Dark by crazy-stickeh Azazel: Demon of the Dark :iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 2 0
caught in the crossfire.
new, or old.
rough, or sweet.
familiar, or strange.
you're both different,
and yet oh so the same.
it's strange, this war,
and yet i can't help but feel
i've been here before.
another time,
another place,
and someone else's name,
but the emotion's the same,
and it's just as real.
caught in the crossfire,
caught in the war,
caught in the battles,
and caught in the middle.
he stands on one side,
still quiet as ever.
refusing to say the words,
that could have stopped it all.
he holds onto his pride,
while i hold onto mine,
neither wanting to admit,
we'd give it all for the other.
he crosses his arms,
gives me a hurt look,
and turns away.
you stand on the other,
sweet and kind.
the rock i needed,
when he left me behind.
you're here - and there - now.
and you're wherever i need you,
just like a lighthouse for the ship.
you take no note,
of the looks and glances.
trust is your thing,
and you've placed it in me.
so sweet and so tame,
you're the perfect one.
but somehow. . .
there's still a wa
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
father time.
the girl who smiles for everyone,
just so she can cover up the hurt,
for only one more day. just one more.
who breaks down in the silence of her room,
crying for the mistake she made,
the people she hurt and let down,
and the regrets she has for that night.
now she knows that she really
should have never said goodbye.
but who knew goodbye could hurt so bad?
now she keeps her eyes on the floor,
not wanting to meet his gaze,
because the coldness is too much.
she'd give anything to take it back,
to say how sorry she was,
and to go back in time to change it,
but she knows she can't.
there's the boy, the one she pines for.
he tells everyone he's moved on,
that he's over the hurt she caused,
and sometimes the lie works.
he forces himself to pretend
that he doesn't care anymore,
and that he never did,
but in reality it still hurts him.
it hurts that he can't have her back,
and that she hurts for him just the same.
if he could go back in time,
accept her apologies and admit his wrongs,
he woul
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
heavy heart.
"i still love you."
for a moment,
the world stood still.
the words she had wanted,
so desperately wanted,
had finally been spoken.
he had admitted he still cared,
that he had never stopped,
and yet. . .
it wasn't the same.
she turned slowly,
blue eyes meeting brown,
and stared silently.
despite wanting to hear him
say those very words,
for so long,
it wasn't right anymore.
the words weren't enough,
not when his actions had hurt.
the silence was long,
and it was louder than anything else.
instead of speaking,
the girl sized him up.
the oil-stained, rough hands she knew,
the torn, worn work jeans,
splattered with dark stains from the cars.
all familiar, yet so different.
she remembered how they felt,
how her hand fit perfectly in his.
how they had laughed together,
and how he had held her together,
when all she wanted to do was fall apart.
the memories were there,
the comfort was still there,
but her heart was still sick, still hurt.
so with a heavy mind,
and an equally heavy heart,
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 1 0
i've been down on my knees,
pacing the floor,
thinking back to the way we were before.
long sleepless nights,
pain filled days,
wondering when it was gonna change.
the games were over,
the roller coaster ride through,
and still i couldn't get a grip.
rock bottom felt like home,
and being happy seemed
like way too much effort.
with my face pressed against the floor,
i closed my eyes,
and hoped for the best.
i've spent hours, days, weeks
with my head held down,
avoiding your gaze,
avoiding the bolt of pain,
and the odd stares when i turn away.
i've lied to myself, to my friends,
to my family, about whether i'm okay,
telling them i'm doing just fine,
knowing i'm one step away from a breakdown.
i've watched myself in the mirror,
wondering how it could have gone wrong.
wondering just what i did,
to deserve the heartbreak.
i stared, i prayed, i wondered,
i second guessed myself time, and time again.
i've lied to myself so many times,
that 'fine' felt like reality.
today, that changed.
for th
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
rewrite history.
boy our story reads like a terrible story,
nothing but lies and bad intentions.
any reader would toss it out in a moment,
troubled by the repeats,
mortified by the actions,
stunned by the harsh words.
bad lines,
bad actions,
and bad decisions,
seem to be the only things we're good at,
and still we're like magnets.
drawn to one another,
unable to control it,
and yet just as unwilling as we ever were.
you were gone,
a chapter i'd ripped out,
tossed into the fire,
and burned forever,
but now you're back,
and heavy as ever.
in my life, my dreams, my mind,
and you aren't easy to get rid of now.
time and distance didn't erase the memories,
only made them harder to forget about,
and now i'm forcing myself to hold back.
history repeats itself,
they all say,
but this time i won't follow it.
i won't fall back into your arms,
won't look at you like you hung the moon,
and won't give up a piece of my heart,
to get nothing but heartbreak in return.
i love someone else, it's true,
and you have your o
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 1 0
you saved me.
horribly, hopelessly lost,
there was nothing i could do.
no way out, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
i was on a fast track to nowhere,
with no one to help me out.
the past haunted my steps,
my dreams,
my decisions.
everything i did.
i didn't have a map,
or anyone to guide my way.
i believed i'd be forever haunted by the memories,
of him and i,
and the times we shared.
wherever i looked,
they were there waiting for me.
faint though they were,
they were no less scary,
no less dangerous,
no less consuming.
i couldn't see myself with anyone else,
and i knew it was a dangerous game.
but then you came along,
and blew through the darkness.
with a light brighter than the sun,
you showed me the way out,
and grabbed my hand to lead.
you eased me into it,
teaching me to crawl again,
then walk again,
then finally, we ran together.
light as a feather, free as a bird,
i found i could fly.
the sky was reachable,
the moon just as close,
and everything was possible now.
with your light to guide me,
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 1 3
even if it breaks my heart.
i know too much about you,
know too much about the situation,
and i could bring it all crashing down,
in one fell swoop. two words,
and your bubble would burst.
i'd have the chance of a lifetime,
and i'd be there for you through it all.
but i'm not going to do that,
because your happiness means more to me.
i'm not going to do that,
even if it breaks my heart.
time still stops when you smile,
and even though you're not smiling at me,
i can't help but give a sad smile,
and keep walking with my head down.
all because i know that smile,
and know how happy you are.
i'm still in love with everything you do,
but i won't hurt you to gain what i want.
i won't ruin your life, to better mine,
even if it breaks my heart.
so i'll sit on the sidelines,
and pretend you're not everything i want.
pretend that i don't wish it was me,
in your arms while you're dancing to that song.
i'll sit here and smile,
pretending i'm happier than ever,
and that i don't wish you were still mine.
i'll pretend all of th
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
remember this.
you see her everyday,
and you know exactly what you did.
you know why she won't look up,
why she doesn't smile like she used to,
and why she seems to be quieter than normal, more reserved.
you know exactly why she doesn't look at other guys,
and you know why your friend tripped head over heels for her,
but she didn't return the feeling at all.
you put it out of your mind,
made yourself believe she'd be alright,
and maybe you could have been right.
any other time, she would have picked herself up,
dusted herself off, and kept right on trucking.
that was the type of person she was.
but boy, you didn't realize,
how much of her heart you really did have.
you didn't realize that you had the power to break her,
and how hurt she was when you left,
with no rhyme or reason.
now she waits,
for something that may never happen,
knowing that you will probably never love her,
like she loves you.
but she keeps holding on,
yearning for that feeling she had that summer,
when you made her dreams come tr
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 3
my inspiration.
almost seven billion people on this planet, right now.
what are the chances that you might meet,
someone who'll change your entire life?
some skeptics would say slim to none,
and before i met you,
i would have agreed.
honestly, before i met you,
my life was a lot harder, darker, dismal
and now it's like someone's opened my mind,
to all of the new possibilities.
you taught me not to sweat the small stuff,
that someone out there really does care,
and that nobody can bring you down, but yourself.
you taught me how to live my life,
not worry about what others think of me,
and to do my best, no matter what.
you listened to me, when nobody else would.
you listened to me rant and rave about teenage things,
knowing better and knowing more than i could at the time,
but you never acted like i wasn't worth your time.
you listened, you cared, and you advised.
you became the sister that i never had, nor wanted before i met you.
but that was before i met you.
you changed all of that.
those th
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
look me in the eye,
and tell me i'm beautiful.
that you can't live without me,
and would never want to, for as long as you live.
don't turn toward the pretty blonde,
and forget i'm there for the moment.
don't make me feel like i'm so easy to forget,
so easy to ignore, no matter what i do.
tell me that you love me,
and that you won't ever let me go.
hold me close when i'm cold,
and support me in the crazy ideas i get.
i promise,
they won't last long. they never do.
but just support them, for the time they're there.
ignore my tomboyish attitude,
and the way i tend to take everything on,
without knowing if i can handle it.
help me through life, and hold my hand.
ignore the way i act like i'm so tough,
especially when you know i'm broken,
and barely there.
love me for who i am, and not what they want.
don't pay any attention to my dress size,
my shirt size, jean size, or shoe size.
please, don't feel like you have to spend everything,
but pamper me every now and then,
just so i know you ca
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
what you can't see.
i keep my head held high,
because if i didn't then someone would notice.
they'd notice i'm not myself,
and that would lead to the questions.
the questions i don't want to answer,
don't want to face, don't even want to think about.
so my head stays high,
and i act like everything's okay,
but in reality it's not.
i'm falling apart, and i don't know how to stop it.
i've never been so hard on myself,
but i can't help it now.
i don't have a boyfriend,
it makes me a loser.
i haven't had a boyfriend for a long time,
well, that just makes me a loser for that long.
i'm too heavy,
that makes me a failure, and unlovable.
i can't seem to lose the weight,
and that makes me unmotivated, and incapable.
my grades aren't what they usually are,
and that makes me an idiot, a moron, and stupid.
i don't stop to consider my life anymore,
i don't stop to think about it,
and i certainly don't stop to think about my accomplishments.
i take second in the tournament,
it should have been first,
i should have done
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 0 0
it's your smile,
it's your laugh.
it's your jokes,
and it's your hugs.
it's your determination,
and your goofiness.
it's the fact that you hate football,
and play it anyway.
it's everything about you, that i love.
you're a gentle giant,
and yet you intimidate people.
you're kind, and soft hearted,
but you'd never let it show.
you're a great guy,
and you never give yourself credit.
you're actually intelligent,
but are too scared to show it.
you're everything that i want.
you can't stand to see people mad,
but you don't always think before you act.
you hate when i'm sad,
but you don't have the nerve to ask about it.
you love your mother and your father,
but you act tough all the time.
you don't let anyone see the real you,
because you don't want them to know about you.
you have my heart, and you won't let go.
it's everything about you, really,
that makes me wish we were together.
your heart, your soul, your determination.
even though you can be rude, abrupt, and hurtful,
you still make u
:iconcrazy-stickeh:crazy-stickeh 1 0


The Grasslands by midnightstouch The Grasslands :iconmidnightstouch:midnightstouch 3,268 628 Graveyard Shift 1 -Graveyard- by mindsbigger Graveyard Shift 1 -Graveyard- :iconmindsbigger:mindsbigger 4 3 Sorry I Can't Be Perfect by DropxDeadxModYx Sorry I Can't Be Perfect :icondropxdeadxmodyx:DropxDeadxModYx 831 243
Would you miss me?
Would you miss me if I died
Would you kiss me if I cried
Would you hold me tight
Would you squeeze my hand
As my last breath left me
Would you miss me in the night
Cause im not there by your side
Would you cry on my grave
Would you leave flowers in summer
Crosses in winter
Would you cry when someone speaks my name
Would you put my picture in a frame
Would you miss me if I died
Could you wait to be by my side?
:iconel-ruisenor:El-Ruisenor 589 88
rainbow crayons.
i. sometimes i write your name
in rainbow crayons on the walls. sometimes
my room smells like you and sometimes
i can't stand this silence
you've left me with, because it's
a cold silence, the kind that
sneaks into my blood and leaves me
[fact: i still miss you.]
ii. dreams like this are made
to make me lose my mind;
the vibrancy and the details
are so realistic,
but what happens, isn't.
because you're still here,
and your arms are around me
(and they feel so real,
oh my God, they feel so real),
but i know that you're
[fact: i wish i could forget you, but
what would i think about then?]
iii. sometimes i wonder if
there is a secret button
you have to press
to get happiness. sometimes
i wonder where yours went,
and i wonder if
that's why you left;
to go find yours.
[fact: i never could make you happy.]
iv. i never learned how to
do a lot of things:
i can't tie my shoes;
i don't know how to swim;
i've never learned to sew.
maybe if i learned to let go,
this wouldn't matter;
:iconamertie:Amertie 435 276
50 Photoshop Postwork Actions by mauricioestrella 50 Photoshop Postwork Actions :iconmauricioestrella:mauricioestrella 6,852 1,392 Ten cents' worth - Winchesters by Cataclysm-X Ten cents' worth - Winchesters :iconcataclysm-x:Cataclysm-X 6,984 1,522 Only Us... by Mustang601 Only Us... :iconmustang601:Mustang601 29 9 Wolf Leaping by plutoplus1 Wolf Leaping :iconplutoplus1:plutoplus1 439 144 misty trotting. by greenleaf-stock misty trotting. :icongreenleaf-stock:greenleaf-stock 54 7 Wolf 1 by HFmini Wolf 1 :iconhfmini:HFmini 181 51 white wolf by silver80 white wolf :iconsilver80:silver80 629 166


I made a decision today, that I'm very serious about.

I'm going to lose twenty pounds by the beginning of the next school year, which is about four months. Five pounds a month. I think I can do it. Honestly, I think that I need to do it, not only because I don't feel good about the way I look, but because my ankles, knees, and hips are bad enough without the extra weight I'm carrying around. I don't think I look super bad in anything, but who knows. I think part of the reason I don't like dresses is because of the fact that I don't like the way I look.

This is something that's going to be really hard for me. I've decided that I'll cut soda out of my life again, as well as candy. The only exception to that rule is peppermints, or other hard candy like that, just because I need something to be able to chomp on whenever I get stressed, considering my panic attacks will strike without it. Cookies, cake, cheesecake... All of that will be gone as well. That's really the only unhealthy part of my lifestyle, other than the fact that I don't really exercise a lot.

But I'm also fixing that.

I'm planning on going to the gym at least two times a week, and since I go up to the horse rescue that I volunteer at, I think I'll start trying to find a time to ride for a while every time I'm out there, since the horse that I've been working with needs it. I can do this, and I think it's reachable. I'll post periodically with my updates.
  • Listening to: Kenny Chensey
  • Reading: --
  • Watching: --
  • Playing: --
  • Eating: --
  • Drinking: Tea


Artist | Literature
United States
Favourite genre of music: Pretty much any of them
Operating System: Acer
MP3 player of choice: Ipod Nano or Ipod 32 GB Touch
Personal Quote: "It is the nature of every person to error, but only the fool perseveres in error."


Add a Comment:
DropxDeadxModYx Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2011  Professional Photographer
thanks for your fav. on "Sorry I Can't Be Perfect"
[link] :) <3
crazy-stickeh Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2011   Writer
Not a problem! I really liked the piece :)
DropxDeadxModYx Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2011  Professional Photographer
oc-eanwide Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2010
Happy birthday!
crazy-stickeh Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2010   Writer
why, thank you dear! :heart:
miserecordia Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the :llama:!
1-800-ODANG-ZOMBIES Featured By Owner May 2, 2010
Hey Flight<3 This is Vegas, how have you been?
crazy-stickeh Featured By Owner May 5, 2010   Writer
Well well well! I've been good, how about yourself? <3
1-800-ODANG-ZOMBIES Featured By Owner May 8, 2010
xD Goood, what have you been up to these days?
crazy-stickeh Featured By Owner May 9, 2010   Writer
Not a lot, honest. I`ve pretty much been working my tail off in school and such :P
(1 Reply)
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